To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
What do they call a woman who works as hard as a man? Answer: “Lazy.”
Understanding a Woman
We need REALLY MEANS I want
You want REALLY MEANS You need
It’s your decision REALLY MEANS The correct decision should be obvious by now.
We need to talk REALLY MEANS I need to complain
Do what you want REALLY MEANS You’ll pay for this later.
You’re … so manly REALLY MEANS You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
Sure… go ahead REALLY MEANS I don’t want you to.
I’m not upset REALLY MEANS Of course I’m upset, you moron!
You’re certainly attentive tonight. REALLY MEANS Is sex all you ever think about?
I’m not emotional! And I’m not overreacting! REALLY MEANS I’m on my period.
Be romantic, turn out the lights. REALLY MEANS I’m Embarrassed
This kitchen is so inconvenient REALLY MEANS I want a new house.
You have to learn to communicate. REALLY MEANS Just agree with me.
Yes REALLY MEANS No
No REALLY MEANS No
Maybe REALLY MEANS No
I heard a noise REALLY MEANS I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? REALLY MEANS I’m going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? REALLY MEANS I did something you’re not going to like.
I’ll be ready in a minute. REALLY MEANS Be patient I’ll be a while.
Am I a little fat? REALLY MEANS Tell me I’m beautiful.
I’m sorry. REALLY MEANS You’ll be sorry.
Do you like this recipe? REALLY MEANS It’s easy to fix, so get used to it.
Was that the baby? REALLY MEANS Why don’t you wake up and deal with the baby.
I’m not yelling! REALLY MEANS Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
All we’re going to buy is a soap dish REALLY MEANS Major shopping trip. Did you bring your checkbook?
Why Beer Is Better Than Women
You can enjoy a beer all month long.
Beer stains wash out.
You don’t have to wine and dine a beer.
Your beer will always wait patiently in the car while you play ball.
If your beer is flat, you can toss it out.
Beer is never late.
A beer doesn’t get jealous when you grab another beer.
A hangover will go away.
Beer labels come off without a fight.
When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer.
A beer never has a headache.
A beer will never nag you.
A beer won’t get upset if you come home and have another beer.
If you pour a beer right, you’ll always get good head.
A beer always goes down easy.
You can share a beer with friends.
You always know if you’re the first one to pop a beer.
A beer is always wet.
A beer doesn’t demand equality.
You can have a beer in public.
A beer doesn’t care what time you come home.
A frigid beer is a good beer.
You don’t have to wash a beer for it to taste good.
If you decide to change beers, you don’t have to pay alimony.